A Hole in my Heart


A hole in my heart created a gap in my life.

First of all, I want to apologize to my readers and followers for not posting any stories for months. I know I don’t have to apologize, because I gave everyone a heads up (Intro to Soh) about not promising a time frame of publishing posts per week or month because I am such a busy woman. One thing I must say, writing can be very therapeutic. So, here I am trying to get back on track and open up about my life.

I got everyone hyped up about following my blog as I venture off to meet a guy in NY. That trip happened in June. No worries! I am okay. I just need to get you caught up with my life events. One unfortunate thing that happened while I was in New York, my laptop locked me out and I couldn’t unlock it with my usual password. Thankfully, I got in contact with help and I was back on! I had a story held in drafts for a long time and finally published it. I wanted to keep in touch with my mother via video call on my laptop instead of my phone. I felt communicating with my mother was more important than blogging.

After returning from New York, it seem like life was at a speed I couldn’t keep up with. My mother picked me up from the airport, I treated her to lunch and I drove her back home. I went home to quickly get cleaned up, changed into my uniform and headed straight to work that Friday afternoon. During the following weekend July 8-10, 2016, I attended a family reunion of my mother’s fraternal side. You know as time goes, families settle in different states due to college, marriage, military and job relocation. Most of them live in Buffalo, New York, Brunswick, Georgia and Miami, Florida. This was the first time we were able to attend a family reunion they organized. While we were at the “Meet & Greet” family fish fry/country boil, people (my relatives) kept talking about they recognized my mother right away. It was so strange because the last time they saw her was when she was a toddler. But they would always mention my Grandmother, Claudia. My mother tried to contact her to put her on the phone with them so she could hear their voice and chat a bit. I believe Grandma had an event with the church that same weekend. We wanted her to come so bad, but it was a conflict in schedules.

brunswickga-hotelLater on that evening, I was talking to my mom and asked her if she ever got in touch with grandma. She said, “No, I didn’t but I’ll give her a call tomorrow.” A thought came to my mind and I said to my mother, “You know when everyone kept mentioning your mother, it kind of gave me this weird feeling. The feeling was as if she was more than absent.” My mother looked at me and agreed, “I know. I feel the same way.” I will admit, it was an eerie feeling. I didn’t want to talk like that too much, especially before going to bed. I just had to shake it off and try to get some rest.

When we returned home from our weekend in Brunswick, Georgia, I knew I had to buckle down and study my training to renew my certification with my travel agency. The system was updated and we gotta keep ourselves updated. We had until July 31st to complete the training or else we would have to pay an extra fee.sleepytime From July 11th through July 20th, I went to work, came home, studied and took quizzes. It was a bit of a struggle because I was Soh tired, but I did it. July 20th at 2:14 am, I took this picture  and sent it to my mother along with my Certificate of Completion. Finally!!! I can rest. Zzzzzz….


During that week, my parents were packing to move to another house on that Friday! They were a huge blessing to me when they helped me move into my apartment, December 2015. I wanted to return the favor. I only could do what I could trying to make it there after work. The moving process is quite exhausting and trying to keep organized as well. The other project was to clean up before the Landlord locks the other house. It was a 4 bedroom/ 3 full bathroom project. I believe we had until that following Tuesday to get it all done. At this point, I was without exercise for 2 weeks already. That makes me feel kind off or like something’s missing.

My waking dream on Sunday morning; it such a weird dream. I was doing something in my closet and I ended up on the floor not able to move. I guess I had fainted and regained conscientiousness.  I couldn’t get to my phone, but thankfully my mother called me and I was able to answer the phone using voice command. I explained to her what was going on with me and to call the property manager and the ambulance. The maintenance crew were able to break through and the ambulance arrived. Then, I woke from my dream.

My mother called me sometime after I woke to tell me that she just got off the phone with my grandma. She explained, “Grandma was not feeling so well, even by the sound of her voice. She was unable to get herself to the doctor’s office. Baby girl, from what mom told me, it was bad.” Mom had to call other relatives that live close by to get thru her door and help her out. *Grandma lives in South Georgia.* From what I understand, the ambulance were dispatched. My Great-Aunt Debbie was notified and went straight to the hospital to meet her there. Later on, her eldest daughter met her there. Her vitals weren’t looking good. This was a serious matter.

What were my thoughts and feelings? At this point, just sad. Soh freakin sad! The best way I can describe is… Worried, nervous and anxious to the point of feeling my guts trembling and my body felt weakened with the feeling of helplessness. My mind was in another dimension of blurriness, dizziness and confusion. That is a strong and scary feeling. My mind was growing numb and wrapped with the thoughts of fear and the unknown, but knew what was to come. I had to get some things done and at this point, I can’t do anything until I have heard from my mother or father. The only thing I could do is pray and know that God will take care of her no matter what. From what my vision revealed to me, I had no choice but to give it all to him because it was nothing I could do and totally out of my control. 

 Continue on with this story A Hole in my Heart (2)

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