This is a trip!


Around mid March 2016, I had felt like I have reached the bitter end of hope. If there was ever a sign pointing me in the direction to show me to keep going this way for hope, I would have been traveling on that road with a fast and driven force from within. When I look up to stare at the signs, all I could do is just walk away with my head facing towards the ground. Off to that dry barren land with no path made in front of me. My mind was terribly fatigued and saddened. The idea of a gentleman ever existing was starting to become a fantasy perfectly written in a fictional book. I constantly questioned the existence of that “L” word. “Does love truly exists?” If so, where between heaven and hell can I find it? Would it be as far as the stars in the galaxy? That’s just too far to reach. Should I just wait for a star to fall in front me? Should I.. just… wait??? And for how long?

All the good men are taken and I’m left with the selfish and hungry guys. You know them! The guys that are in relationships or in a marriage and still want more for themselves and don’t care who gets hurt. All they want to do is dip their stick in any hole they can get to.  Also, I have come across the guys that don’t want a relationship, but wants the benefits of one. Their formula is Sex add friendship plus no commitment multiplied by 100 equals Friends with Benefits aka FWB! It can work, but it should be short lived. You gotta cut him off as soon as you possibly can! But why are we accepting these guys to benefit from us with no investment? It’s like you’re the bank approving transactions that leaves you insufficient. Who would go the extra mile or even 1,000 miles to meet your needs and treat you like a woman and not like a free prostitute?

By April, I just didn’t give a damn! I was DONE! Done with dating! Done with being hopeful! Done with putting forth my 100 percent to meet these idiots that put forth 100 percent of sh*t! Soh freakin DONE with being taken lightly and as a joke! Done with these lame text messages going back and forth with no phone conversations! I’m Soh over it!!! What ever happened to putting actions behind your words. I know people say things and don’t mean it, but who will? Who will? Who will actually do as they say they would do?

On the 16th of April, I received notifications on Instagram (IG) that someone likes my pics and started following my page. When I checked the guy’s page, I thought he was a cool white dude and I chose to follow his page as well. I also, make sure to thank anyone who likes multiple pics through Direct Message (DM). It’s instant messaging with IG and when you like someone’s photo, you click on the heart. It’s similar to thumbs up or plus one (+1) on other social media sites. I sent this guy a DM to do just that. I’ll share some messages.

Soh:”Thanks for the [hearts]” with a big smiley face. *{His name will be, Simon}.

Simon: “You’re welcome hun {blows kiss} no need to thank me. You’re pretty! So I like your photos lol {heart} much love.  Can I ask you a personal question? Not to be rude, but how old are you?

Soh: It’s not a rude question. I’m 31! I know I look young.

Simon: 31 is young sweet girl. Do you like older men? lol

Soh: It depends on how much older. I tend to gravitate towards older men.

Simon: How about a much older man that doesn’t look or act like his old ass age lol. I’m 54, that’s why I’m asking.

Soh: Ooooh my goodness {sad face} my dad 1963 and mom 1964. *This guy is 2 years older than my dad!!! Then I let him know that I don’t have any children. In other words, DUDE! I want kids!

I asked him how many children he has. He has 4 boys ages from 28 to 17 who was about to graduate from High school. He said he still wants a baby girl. Oh! Did I mention he’s a Tattooist?! I tried brushing him off and letting him down gently.

One day, I thought it would be kind of cute to forward a “swirl family” picture I saw on IG. The message I sent along with this picture: I hope this puts a smile on your face. LOL I hope you had a good nightswirl fam age diff

Okay, you can obviously see this is a “BWWM couple” Younger black woman w/ a white man that looks older. I’m sure you see they are holding their baby girl. I thought it was cute. Simon sent me a message back and I looked at it real quick and thought I offended him. I decided not to even respond to him. Around this time, I was talking to someone else from IG as well. I felt very sick after having a phone conversation with this guy. I felt so disgusted, I didn’t want to talk to any man until I could clear my thoughts. That will be another blog.

After a few days, I decided to read Simon’s message again and realized he liked the picture after all. We continued sending each other messages thru IG until we both felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers and have phone conversations from there. He explained to me that he has no problem with just being friends and claiming he’s not thirsty. We finally had a long conversation on the telephone. I must say, I like his voice and the NY accent. He was very straight forward when we talked. I was intrigued by his mindset and he was more intrigued by me as well. We continued talking and sending messages and he would compliment me and ask me to send him pics of myself but not the ones posted on IG haha and he didn’t request any nude pics! Thank God! 

In our conversations, he kept saying how much he wanted to meet me in person. I kept telling him that I’m not about to do any kind of long distance relationships (LDR). I was getting a bit aggravated because this is something I try to avoid. It’s very costly and to be very honest, I’m too horny to deal with that kind of distance. I told him, “It’s difficult for me to wrap my mind around meeting anyone at such great distance (from Florida to New York). I guess I’m afraid of either being disappointed or being the disappointment. Then who ever took the trip, it would be a total waste. Forgive me but I do (over) analyze. [May 19, 2016]. Compliments were going back and forth… Messages 5/29/2016

Simon: I kinda miss that cute little voice lol

Soh: I feel the same {embarrassed face}

Simon: Ok but I’m not the one with the cute little voice baby lol

Soh: But very masculine {wink}

Simon: You’re just too sweet baby. I’m keeping you {blows kiss}

Soh: Haha laying the claim

Simon: yea {smiles}

Soh: Wow

Simon: Wow what hun? Is that surprising someone wants to keep you?

Soh: Yes

Simon: My poor baby… you definitely been associating with the wrong people.

Before you know it, it was June 8th and we are looking at our calendars to see when would be the best days for him to come to my hometown. I told him it would be best for him to come here first because I would feel totally out of my comfort zone in NY.  Since his shop is closed Sundays and Mondays. If he come to FL, he would leave Saturday afternoon and arrive Sat. night and I am finished with work approx 4:30 pm. We could hang out and grab some dinner. He said for me not to take a day off from work and we could hang out before and/or after work. Then he would depart Tuesday morning and be back in time to open up shop by 4 pm. But the more we looked into our  calendars, he realized what season it is.  It’s summer time and it is his busiest season until August & September. He certainly thought it would be better for me to fly up to NY to spend time with him. The plan was to fly to NY on a Tuesday night. I’m already off work on Wed & Thurs. as needed at the other office I work. Then, return Friday morning. It took me a while to really think about this because I have never done this before. I even thought about, I haven’t met anyone outside of my city limits.

All the questions were floating around my head. Could I possibly look beyond my past disappointments and take the risk? What if I’m not what he’s looking for? Should I just say no and leave it as friends? People (single women) travel all the time. What about my safety? As a part time Travel Agent, should I fly, explore and share my experiences? Where would I stay? How much would this cost me? Is it going to be worth my time or should I just wait? With the excitement in his voice, waiting was like telling a kid they have to wait 11 more months until Christmas.

I thought about it every freakin’ day! I talked to my manager to ask if shifting my schedule around slightly would work. That way I didn’t miss any days from work. She gave me the thumbs up! I told her I would inform her once the transaction took place. I checked my sites to coordinate my schedule & departure times for flights. Once, I saw the perfect times I sent him a message. He told me he would call me in 15 min to give me his card info to take care of the plane tickets. I reminded him, I have miles I can redeem, But he insisted the he should pay. He called me and the transaction was complete.

Believe it or not! Folks I am headed to New York to meet a guy! Just as titled, This is a Trip!

Story continued… Before I fly to NY

One thought on “This is a trip!

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